I DETECT A PATTERN.

Pretty pet piglet #1, aka "the deadbeat husband"

Resents: his lack of agency (imagined, mostly).
Action: texts his b-side person around 3 a.m.
He writes: "I am a dreamer, as lonely as the solitary firefly."
She finds him: delectable, but strangely aloof.

Alas! Two worlds collide.

His teary-eyed tirade:
- "I am on a tight leash."
- "I have to stay for the children."
- "You deserve someone who can say yes."

Last-minute change of plan: never mind
apologies, let's boldly embrace
Double Cake.

Confused, distressed, the lady agrees to:
- never call his wife again;
- wait for him to change (miracles happen);
- write him a poem.

As for what he actually thinks: hieroglyphs.

//

I DETECT A PATTERN.

Pretty pet piglet #2, aka "the star-crossed lover"

Resents: his "useless affair" (accountability, much?)
Action: texts his a-side person around 3 a.m.
He writes: "I miss you, be back soon."
She finds him: infuriating, but strangely irresistible.

Alas! Two worlds collide.

His teary-eyed tirade:
- "I am not proud of what I did."
- "It didn't mean anything."
- "The sex wasn't even good."

Last-minute change of plan: never mind
apologies, let's boldly embrace
Double Cake.

Confused, distressed, the lady agrees to:
- cancel the accusatory billboard outside his office;
- wait for him to change (miracles happen);
- write him a poem.

As for what he actually thinks: hieroglyphs.