YOU BET THEY’RE WATCHING YOU!

They’re watching you, see. No place you can go and they don’t know. Cameras on every street corner, in every shop and office. Why there’s even a camera on your computer and they’re likely watching you through that without you even knowing. I get it, see. There’s this friend of mine and she works for the government. Sits in front of a dozen screens and she’s keeping an eye on things. That’s what she says. Making sure there ain’t nothing amiss, not noplace. Like this one time she tells of – swears us all to secrecy first – and there was this couple and they was doing it at the back of Cooper’s bar. Out beside the crates of empty beer bottles and it's dark as shut cupboards there and they thought they was safe and unseen. Only, my friend sitting in front of her wall of screens, she sees what they’re about and she calls it in. Two minutes later and they was both in the back of a police truck and he hadn’t had time enough to do up his pants and she was without her underwear. And there’s this old lady they keep an eye on. She’s always losing her way and they have a pet name for her. They call her Lucy-Locket. And if they see her shuffling in a part of town she don’t belong, they call that in too and someone drives out and shows her the way home. They got eyes in the sky even and I’m not talking camera crews in helicopters calculating traffic flow. I’m talking higher than clouds and higher maybe than sky. I’m talking satellites. So far off they ain’t even a speck if you look up. They got hundreds of them circling the whole earth and all they’re doing is looking and looking. And there’s people like my friend controlling them and they can focus in on the smallest thing – so don’t be thinking you’re safe in the privacy of your backyard with high fences around you. Jamie, now he snuck into the football ground at the end of our street. It was a Holiday Monday and nowhere was open. He broke a quiet lock and crept inside. He’d made an arrangement with Lindy and he said it was a date but maybe it was just a dare.

YOU BET THEY’RE WATCHING YOU!

They was going to meet in the centre of the field and take all their clothes off and get their picture taken just like that. Lindy didn’t turn up, which was just as well, and Jamie kept his clothes on and just lay down on the twenty yard line. They got a picture of that from one of their satellites. You can see he’s got his shoelaces untied and the buttons of his shirt undone – in case Lindy showed and they was in a hurry. Trust me – as much as you trust anybody – they’re watching and there ain’t nothing they don’t catch on their cameras.