• Vol. 07
  • Chapter 05
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Two people who should never meet go on the Guardian Blind Date

Phil, 38, petroleum engineer, meets Elaine, 27, ecologist.

PHIL ON ELAINE:

What were you hoping for?
Easy conversation over good food.

First impressions?
She had green streaks in her hair. Exciting! My mother would absolutely hate that.

What did you talk about?
What we do for a living, her veganism, politics but not for too long.

Good table manners?
She got her phone out halfway through, and said she needed to text her housemate that I'm not a serial killer.

Any awkward moments?
I told her I entered a celebrity lookalike contest with a duck that looked like Donald Trump. It wore a blond wig I had made myself. She asked if I did it ironically and I had no idea what she meant.

Best thing about Elaine?
She told me what she thought about my job once, then bit her tongue for the rest of the evening. I appreciated the effort.

Would you introduce her to your friends?
I doubt she’d like them.

Describe Elaine in three words?
Unconventional, passionate, opinionated.

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Two people who should never meet go on the Guardian Blind Date

What do you think she made of you?
I'm trying my best not to wonder.

Did you go on somewhere?
No.

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?
I wouldn't have pointed at her "Never kiss a Tory" lapel pin and joked that she was crushing my hopes.

And... did you kiss?
What do you think?

Marks out of 10?
6.

Would you meet again?
I'm leaving for an oil field 600 miles from Irkutsk next week, so sadly, I don't think it’s in the cards.

ELAINE ON PHIL:

What were you hoping for?
Someone worth a second date.

First impressions?
I know my application said I prefer older guys, but Phil looked old enough to be my father.

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Two people who should never meet go on the Guardian Blind Date

What did you talk about?
The last three elections, work, that time he entered his pet duck for a contest and came last.

Good table manners?
Look, I know what he's going to say here, but safety first, right?

Any awkward moments?
Finding out he was 38. I would have guessed 50 and a lifetime of smoking.

Best thing about Phil?
He let me order our tapas. Unlike most men, he wasn’t on a mission to convince me it can’t hurt to eat eggs once in a while.

Would you introduce him to your friends?
I doubt they’d like him.

Describe Phil in three words?
Not for me.

What do you think he made of you?
He kept saying he’d never met anyone this unconventional. So, that.

Did you go on somewhere?
Even our trains home went opposite ways.

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?
I hardly ever drink, but maybe I should have had a couple to get through this.

And... did you kiss?
No.

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Two people who should never meet go on the Guardian Blind Date

Marks out of 10?
N/A. Go ahead, write it.

Would you meet again?
He'll be spending the next six months in Siberia, which to me is great news.

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