• Vol. 05
  • Chapter 05

Twigs cannot realign themselves

A woman's natural body should be stick thin.

This engrained belief prevented the movement of my jaw, the necessary movement to allow the food to nourish my body. While reaching for the perfect human body i was preventing a basic human function.

My lips will never be invaded by food although the hunger lures me from my belly and my mind. It teases me like a man should. But a man desires only those stick thin.

The fear sat heavy on my chest, a burning loyalty to my diseased mind. A fear of ruin. If my teeth penetrated the food i would obliterate the temple i had laboured over. The worst sin a woman could commit.

A woman is to be delicate like a flower.

The parasite made me so fragile i was feeble as a twig. Just a broken piece of what i had been. My body reduced to bones and my mind to cyclical torment. The parasite had isolated me from my roots and all that remained was the increasingly godly image of the woman i was to be, with perfect red gums and dazzling white teeth. A synthetic internal voice manipulating the calling of nature.

A woman’s shell is her attribute. A woman simply sways in the breeze that brushes off the gusts from our superiors.

The mouth became a site of conflict between concealing the bubbling angst within and preventing the jaw from chomping. It should have been performing basic life functions. To learn and teach, to interact and to feed.

Ha! Women do not need knowledge or food wasted within.


Twigs cannot realign themselves

My mouth was a mechanical object. I was to be in control. I couldn't show my pain for it would mean that i had failed at the woman’s function.

Don’t tell them you ate, disrespected yourself, let them all down. That you aren't good enough even to be a natural woman.

It became a game of predator and prey. My emaciated body lay pray to the voice that spoke as if my own. It’s destiny lay in the hands of how it would control my mouth. My fight was shrinking with my body, deprived of nature’s resources.

I will never let the greed of my mouth betray you again.

My mind spoke to me with authority, saying my mouth deceived me. With every bite i felt each invasive tooth pierce my perfectly forming shell.

I can't think or feel anymore.

Even when a suffering female is on her knees in the dirt, her complexities remain. The attributes that nature blesses us with branch off from our core. However, they cannot blossom when our mind and body have become enemies, when they cannot work together to feed each other with love, care, knowledge and food: the natural meal plan for every blossoming woman.

I must warn you: a twig can no longer grow when isolated from the rest of it’s being. It is helpless and hopeless. A twig can never realign itself, but we can.