- Vol. 10
- Chapter 10
Tips for a sci-fi film
♪ [Ting] ♪ some North American city, a supermarket-aisle-chat about popsicles or cooking chicken noodles or voting frauds among super-normal people; statements such as they said they will not come back; a network of computers with suave user interface, preferably teal-blue coloured, displaying
conjugated web patterns, barometers for measuring apocalyptic coefficients, pie charts of regression in optic models retrofitted with an elegant button: a ‘click here to destroy the uploaded virus, deactivate the detonation, save the people of the earth, wipe out the aliens’ type – this is for the lead actor to press at the climax;
an attractive codename, such as Mickey Mouse Jingo Kills or Muffins On Duty For Banana Fare, this is for the baddies to think that the big boys are talking about small toys in the middle of an earth-saving mission (and for the audience to know that the special ops rescue team has taken their task seriously);
aliens – in beige-colored spandex suits with bulgy eyes and inhuman features but with human-levels of stupidity – carrying weapons of pulsion anti-gravity antimatter anti-cyclotorsion-di-atomic-mono programmed particle accelerator; the lead pair making out atop an abandoned oil rig; dialogues such as you are fighting with the wrong species, mofos!
to be mouthed by a soon-to-be-killed character, preferably someone from a prequel released during the ‘90s – this is for the aliens to realize that they have chosen the right species for annihilation; the process of destruction ♪
Tips for a sci-fi film
buildings airports passers-by fast-food vendors flying either against or towards ground cars plucked by metallic giants and placed on a totem pole like a jumbo burger ♪
the lead actor pressing the button; one of the supporting cast members, preferably a Hispanic or an Asian dude with a shaved head, passing a comment such as I told ya … they should have switched to Linux this time, in the name of irony ♪ [Ting] ♪