• Vol. 01
  • Chapter 06
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Thinking Of Excuses While I Wait For Him To Get Here

I made it so you could find me, it’s not like I’m hiding. The first thing that happened that wasn’t supposed to happen was that there were two of them. And the second one was a woman. Would you have wanted me to go through with it then? Even doing what we’re doing there’s a code, I thought. They didn’t show up. He didn’t show up. I waited and waited. Slow flood of shadow from the mountains covered the car, covered me. I was pretty pissed I can tell you standing there like I don’t know what, my hands all numb and too clumsy anyway. Why I didn’t call you? Why I didn’t call you… My sister … There was … The can is from target practice. I was all rared up to do my job. Now the wind whistles through it in a whining automatic blues. It’s a shame. It’s not what I wanted, I can tell you that. I had a blow out and remember I used the spare last month so I was too late by one hour. I lost the trail. There were three of them. I saw cops. The desert can just drain all your purpose away. It burnt me down into my miserable boots. I admit I drank some. My mother had a premonition. The sun shifted at the crucial moment into this unfortunate alignment, locked in with his windshield and blinded me. It was like the universe didn’t want it to happen. I think he got spooked and turned back. The wind felt very narrow, like I was in a tunnel and I didn’t want to be, you know what I mean? And an eagle was riding it right at the top, and that spooked me. There was this glare from his windshield right in my eyes. Everything got very light or very dark. It all got separated into floating pieces and it wasn’t safe to try. I think he must have got the day wrong. He’s out there. Oh, I know he’s out there. I wish he wasn’t as much as you. I hope you remember I’m your friend.