• Vol. 02
  • Chapter 08
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The Perfect Burger

Fire up the BBQ
Shove your 'meat is murder' branding iron into the hot coals. Always a favourite with the guests.

The correct order is essential to enjoyment.

Sourdough bun: sliced in two, sprayed with low fat oil, undersides blow-torched for exactly 6 seconds
Pickled gherkin: (optional) but essential for stimulation of the foliate papillae
Mayo: thick, homemade (extra rich)
Red Onion: 3 x 5cm thick outer rings - adds essential crunch structure
Swiss cheese: two slices for optimal melting and form (should be arranged so that two corners hang like front fangs)
Tomato Sauce: applied with gusto (squirt one full circle) essential for stimulating the fungiform papillae
Meat patty: beef steak - chuck and brisket - 80% meat 20% fat, ground jalapenos, 2 rashers of bacon, dash of tamari and a sprinkle of red pepper flakes - grind - add egg for binding
(7 ounce optimal total weight)
Medium rare on BBQ
Salt (add at the end) throw from a distance of six feet
Bottom of sourdough bun

Remove brand from furnace - apply brand to forehead
(2 seconds) - remove - enjoy your burger!