• Vol. 10
  • Chapter 10

The Greasy Pole

Made it. Got those cars to the top of the greasy pole. I knew I would. So maybe you don’t think it looks greasy. That it looks more like a tree trunk. Well let me let you into a little secret. Appearances can deceive. Hell yeah. Wood is green. Clean. My engines are filthy oil burners so I need all the happy clappy hippy dippy back to nature imagery for my marketing PR I can get. When you’re in the auto business, deceiving the punters means more sales, more business and that means happy shareholders. And happy shareholders mean more to go around. Get it? So you’re thinking, which automobile was mine? Maybe the one on top? Because you’ve worked out I’m a pretty confident kind of guy? OK. Secret number two. All five. Yep, the whole dang shooting match. Top of the pole, heads above the rest, the clear winner. First, second, third, fourth, fifth. Outselling the next manufacturer ten to one. Hell, you’d be thinking this is excessive? Too damn right. Excess is my middle name. You’re only here for a few decades and my motto is burn it up, open the throttle and choke the world to get on top.

What’s that? What you say? That you ain’t able to go anyplace stuck on a pole? Yeah well who cares. Where’s there to go? Hell, you forgetting my slogan? “Bargain autos worth the Earth”. You get them cheap, right? And you didn’t think there’d be more than money to pay? So now you’ve got your junk cars and there’s nowhere to go because you’ll all be sitting in lines of traffic. Miles and miles of it. Watching your life tick away with the handbrake on while you pay off the loan at eight per cent a year. Yes my friend, it is you, not me, stuck on the pole. You won’t find me there, oh no. It’s greasy because that’s the way you get down real fast and away. And I’ve gone, long ago, with all your money. Where I live there ain’t no poles, no cars, no way. But I like this picture. Dead tree, dead cars, stacked. It’s a


The Greasy Pole

symbol of my success. I killed the tree. You bought my junk autos. And I’m stacked. And that’s the way, aha, aha, I like it, aha aha.