- Vol. 10
- Chapter 04
Where he was now was not where he had
been, but he had done what he had done
and now found himself far from where
born. He sometimes felt as if
he was swimming. He remembered when
he had planted bulbs below the window
for his mom after his dad died,
blooms to bloom after he was gone,
too, and digging out the red roots,
digging out the rusty twisted wires,
an old connection that he worried was still
live still thrumming with what’d happened.
It was never gone, what he had done,
what he had done to them. He carried it,
he wore it like a skin, breathed it in,
What he had done back then was him.
He usually wore a mask now, avoided
people’s eyes, certain that they could see
what he was, monstrous, what he had done.
The future was proleptic, was the future
perfect: I will be gone before they can
before they have before they cut me out.