• Vol. 05
  • Chapter 12
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Shepherd’s Pie

When I was your age. Yeah I know, I have to stop saying that. I agree, It’s quite possibly the least sexy thing I could say at this point. Ok, when I was in my mid twenties, when you were - how old would you have been when I was 25? Year 10? What’s that, primary school? Oh, fifteen. What, am I like ten years older than you? Oh OK, I’ll stop going on about it. So when I was in my mid twenties I used to work in this art gallery cafe. One time Maggie Hambling came in and I gave her the biggest portion of shepherd’s pie you’ve ever seen in your life. An A4 of it on her plate. She ate the lot. Anyway, there was this security guard, older than me, who I had a thing with. It was the uniform. Sort of muddled up fantasy and reality for me. I remember she said she was a top. What would you think if someone said that? Exactly. I thought she was going to, you know, tell me what to do and that but what she meant was that she wanted to go down on me. Which was fine but she’d do this thing where afterwards she’d look up at me with this face like, I don’t know, like full of wonder. Like she was amazed by my orgasm. It was sort of like this, kind of gazing, Sometimes she’d even shake her head a bit like this. As though she was in awe at the power of my cunt. I never knew where to look. Me and this other woman I was seeing at the time used to call it “the face” and do it to each other all the time for a laugh. Sometimes we’d even do it after we’d had sex, to make the other icked out. I don’t know. I suppose I’m thinking about it now because I could imagine like say I made you come, that I might do the face. You know, because I’ve thought about it, obviously, and whenever I think about it I can imagine myself looking at you like you’re magic and I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I hope you’re not as vile as I was when I was your… you know what I mean. What? Just get on with it? Ok.