• Vol. 05
  • Chapter 10
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Quizzing the Faceless

“There’s plumbum in my bucket, dear Attman, dear Attman. Sir, plumbum in my bucket … soft tissues, and bones.

“Pre-flush your water, dear voter and sponsor. Flush out your old pipes. Three times, Miss Jones.”

“But my iron-level is dropping, dear Attman, dear Attman,
my iron-level is dropping – I can’t breathe the same.”

“Pour water gently, dear voter, dear voter, my sponsor. Fill your glass gently … and don’t call me that name.”

“Then what shall I call you, dear Attman, dear Attman? What *shall* I call you, you tax-gorging prick?

“Er… Attorney General, dear valued taxpayer. Attorney General, or–”

“I’m going to be sick.”


“I’m so sorry for snapping, Attorney General. I’m sorry for snapping, my moods seem askew.”

“No matter, dear voter, can my aide get you some water? You’re probably just hungry, or pregnant. Don’t sue.”

“Nooo… defo not hungry, not hungry, Attorney. I’ve abdominal pain, but I’m *losing* weight. And besides, I'm a man.”

“Well that’s a pity, you’d make a great mother. *(We could do with more morons to hide this Flintgate.)* And who can *tell* these days, Dear Voter, who?”

“Eh? What was that, mister? I mean Mister Attorney General?


Quizzing the Faceless

“Oh nothing, dear voter, dear voter, dear voter. Just nothing, dear… Is that a squirrel?”

“Bit sluggish, granted – but really ‘a squirrel’?? I nearly dozed off there, why am I so tired?”

“That’ll be the lead toxins, dear voter, dear voter.”


“I said ‘lead toxins’. I’m tired of this game.”

“Aha, now I’ve got you. The EPA’s watching. The EPA’s watching, and they’ll have your hide.

“You’re kidding, right, sucker, dear voting lamebrain? You pay their wages to *cover* our hides.”

“There’s plumbum in my bucket, dear Attman, dear Attman
There’s plumbum in my bucket … soft tissues, and bones.”

“Eh? Oh, back to this, is it? That’s the brain damage and neural dysfunction. Pre-flush your water. It’s quite safe, my friend.”