Planning Interrupted

When I look at it all clearly,
there was an unwarranted certainty,
a surety that I knew how to parent,
that a maternal instinct would shine
lighthouse bright, from within me.
I could be crowned, mother
to reign over all mothers in the kingdom.

But really, my crown was paper thin.
The protective wall that I tried building
around them was easily climbed,
they could escape during their teens.
The home I had studiously created
with instructions from all the manuals
fell into a model of topsy-turvyness.

I had no idea how to put us upright again,
had no idea what lay in the far landscape,
no idea of what directions to follow.
But we did move forward, passed every
random obstacle dropped into our family life,
survived their teenage years. Made it through,
heart-tussled but still held together.