How much is that doggy on the table?

Well excuse me, more I should hope,
than those stupid retro throwbacks.

I mean to say Messieurs and Mesdames.
Just take a butchers.
(Well I am fit as a butcher’s dog).
At my luxuriant silky coat,
coiffured to an inch of my taut lithe body.

Ears pricked and groomed.
Eyes on alert for les chiennes.
They are so chic and elegant
and strut their stuff.
with owners who actually look the part.

Seriously who could believe,
moi belonged to them.
I long for Audrey Tatou with her artless style
and gamin gallic charm.
Camille Lacourt who I would splash
about with – any time, any place
Just name the doggy pool.

Instead I am stuck
with bad hair days anonymous
and if I don’t receive a best in show.
I will take a bite out of their derrieres.
Just see if I don’t – And excuse me
I couldn’t care a bonio if this is Crufts.