• Vol. 06
  • Chapter 09
Image by

Line Ad

Robot seeks robot cat. Preferably wireless or perpetual motion powered. Playful nature encouraged but not Blitter (my last Blitter-programmed cat malfunctioned when offered an upgraded Zanon mouse). Hairless Qeqchen models preferred due to 'open machine' owner.

Dear 64296,
I have a hairless Qeqchen model, but you might do well to avoid the 2340 models; they seem to understand wiring and short-circuited my mainframe. A year's worth of food went west one afternoon. It seems those shop owners were very clever and must have downloaded the lot. I can recommend the 2650 model. I have a spare one that just needs tweaking and then he's good to go. I call him 'Popcorn' but he can be renamed. (Popcorn had a tendency to climb on my shoulder and use my neck for a scratching post and you know how expensive real skin is these days...).
Always available,
Mortainal III

Dear Moratinal III,
Thank you for such a kind offer. I'd be happy to take Popcorn. Arrange the transfer.
64296

Dear Moratinal III,
I have some minor problems with Popcorn. When the intercom is pressed, he yowls and leaps onto my back and I cannot remove him. Currently I am alone and it has been five days now. Do you think you could come and remove him? If not, please send for an engineer who would be able to help.
64296

1

Line Ad

Dear 64296,
I will send an engineer. I have my own problems here. I had been toying with the idea of building tracker rats and had been successful last Tuesday. The follow-through showed an immense propensity to self-harm. The chip was cleaned and upgraded with Riolite. The second rat found an access point and was never seen again. I used the first rat to track the second and ended up losing them both. From my records they were last seen travelling together towards the borders of Mentin Phase 2. I have alerted the appropriate authorities. How unfortunate that their own tracker chips have malfunctioned ... or was it sabotage?
Moratinal III

Dear Moratinal III,
Thank you. The engineer was highly skilled and must have cost you many Fallo credits. I am ever in your debt. Popcorn has been 'sanitised' and will likely end up in Reform phase 3. I have no desire to try another. Please let me know how it goes with your experimental tracker rats and your reasoning behind the project.
64296

Dear 64296,
I cannot indulge you with such details of my project; it was a private sponsorship and already I am behind schedule. The rats that were originally two have now found a way to multiply. I'm told that they entered a scrap facility – probably Duonous Area 600. They must have watched me when building other models. The authorities might fine me for unauthorised 'exits'. You know how tight the council have become since Rhonda Eleven. I knew someone there once. Be aware, 64296. They are heading your way …

2