• Vol. 07
  • Chapter 05
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The world is divided into two kinds of people.
The ones who get me and the ones who don't.

Yes, I'm carrying a stuffed chicken with a head of blonde hair like a young Boris Johnson.

Before you came over did you nod and smile knowingly and say, 'Yes by god Derek you mad cunt you still have that chicken under your arm.' Or did you avoid all eye contact at all costs and hurry on with your boring life? Oh wait, we haven't met before.

I just got sick of everyone. You weed them out and that is exactly what I've done.
I'd recommend it.

It's pretty nice around here. Have you been for a swim? We have the highest population of indigenous metre hopping frogs this side of the Equator. It's how my Mam made a living, hosting frog experts in the spare room, and now I would consider myself a frog expert. Anything you want to know I can tell you. Go on try me. Do you know how long a frog can live? A long time.

Apparently being a frog expert was a niche thing but I just thought it was the done thing so I said to myself, Liam, you need to go out there and find your niche and then I discovered taxidermy.

There's an art and a respect to it. I'm particularly proud of Eugene here, he's one I finished yesterday. I do one a day, every week I get castoffs from local farmers and I do them up according to what orders come in. This one is Boris Johnson obviously.



Next week I have Pamela Anderson, Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela, Michael D Higgins and Vladimir Putin on order. Business is booming.

Sure look it keeps me busy and out of trouble, and there's a lot to be said for that isn't there?