• Vol. 04
  • Chapter 05

I Still Get Hits

Everyone knows about Marcia Tenterhooks, the ageing pop star from a successful girl band back in the day. And how she bought her milk, her bread, her one red onion just like anybody would from Davison’s Store. And when she was two blocks from home at twenty-to-four a deranged fan shot her in the heart. Stuart James, fat and nineteen and famous himself now with a book. And Rog Davison’s store got extended and the sale of red onions skyrocketed. Everyone knows about the bullet bought for two million by the Murnaghan Rock ‘n’ Roll Museum. And who hasn’t heard the address 6012 Anders Drive and its millionaire investors? I’m known by one name and I’m not ageing badly. My Twitter and Facebook accounts have double the followers and whatever I post gets three million more likes than anything she ever did. I’m worth over seven Marcia Tenterhook bullets.

My manager is Todd Spearing who you wouldn’t know unless you were in the business. He’s highly respected and handsome sorta. He’s been my manager for years and he’s finally got things moving again and, well, you’ve seen the billboards. This time round I want better security and a bulletproof screen. Some sponsors pulled out but look what happened to Marcia Tenterhook and I’ve got far more followers.

Todd got this team of ten together to spend a month last summer to risk assess. They flew about first class, drank sangrias and reported back that everything was just dandy. But I’m the one expected to stand before the fans and I get so many views. I told Todd the team of ten should’ve been twenty. And who can find out anything in a month anyway? I dunno why Todd doesn’t understand me.

Stuart James was a deranged fan. I told Todd, Do you realise how many deranged fans I’ve got? I said, Check the comments on “Come Open Me” on YouTube. It’s a classic, right? I ate only tofu a whole year for that three-minute video.


I Still Get Hits

Gold swimsuits and overflowing bathtubs mightn’t be fashionable today but I’m still getting hits. Vile comments are added by the hour, but he thinks they’re funny. His problem is he was Marcia’s manager way back when and thinks he knows everything there is to know about Obsession. He says if nobody shot me at my peak then nobody’s gonna wanna shoot me now. But I’m a bigger deal than Marcia Tenterhooks. I dunno why Todd thinks I’m not.

I got Ray Dubray and his effects guy Shay to buy in rolls of flexible bulletproof material. They fitted it over a cube frame. Todd said No way! then said if I sing in there naked it might work.

Truth is, if I walk about outside to get milk, bread and one stupid red onion I’ll get shot in the heart, the lungs and both kidneys. One day I just might, then he’ll see. He’ll see I’m far more loved than Marcia Tenterhooks will ever be.