I grew up on this tiny little island

“What do you make of this, Carstairs?"
“It’s obviously some sort of code, sir.”
“Well, can you decipher the damn thing? I’m being leaned on by the 5th floor.”
“I”ll get my team on it straight away, sir.”
“Well, be quick about it. I’ll give you three days.”
“Do my best, sir.”

“Carstairs here, sir. I think we’ve cracked the code.”
“Yes, go on.”
“Well, when we assigned each letter in the text with its inverse position in the alphabet, i.e. A = 26, then doubled it, added 7, divided by 3.78, then ran the result through the Groshneedle Stramier Random Sequencing Programme. We found it matched a language used by a remote Inuit community.”
“So what does it say, Carstairs?”
“It says ‘Any chance of publishing the attached on this month’s Visual Verse website?'”