I Do

The results were in. They didn’t have Lyme disease! They gave each other high fives without pants on. Take off those socks. Toss me my shoes. Will you? Give me a hug. Put your body in my mouth. Is there somewhere I can spit this out? It tastes too much like me. Remember that trip we took? The cat meowed all the way to New Mexico. The back seat stunk of fur. One license plate read STOP. One license plate read DONT. One license plate wasn’t from anywhere. We choked ponies with vibrant lassos. We were ready. Someone shaved us clean. We would work from home. We would work for roadside burritos. We would work for chewing tobacco. As long as it wasn’t papaya flavored. Fifteen dollars an hour. Cash.

Let’s dress each other up in confetti. Let’s celebrate our mutual boredom through cheese. Let’s bury our desires in the backyard under long ago dead pets.

Sundays walloped. They coated their limbs in laundry detergent. Filled their phones with images of couples embracing. Friends of friends. Enemies too. They tugged sheets over a squeaking mattress. They wouldn’t finish each other’s sentences. They barely knew each other’s names. One liked blue. One liked magenta. One fought mosquitos. One let them bite.

They met at a bus stop. Both of them were scrolling through their phones. Liking sensational quotes. Unliking tennis rapists. They collapsed. Help, they said. We’re afraid we’ve done nothing so far.

I love you, they said because the house was on fire. The doors and windows were locked. There were no Q-Tips. The refrigerator needed to be cleaned. Sludge lapped toilet bowls. Floors slipped in cooking oil. I love you, they said because their bank account was full. Every other Friday. Fifteen dollars an hour. Cash.

I Do

They said they would change the oil. They made scrambled eggs. Did they happen to pay the water bill? They said, you remind me of all the people I hate the most. And, let’s not talk tonight. And, I’m going to put in my earplugs to drown out your noise.

The results were in. They had Lyme disease! One of them was always worse off than the other. One had weak knees. One wobbled in the elbows. They recoiled in recliners. Faced mirrors with drooping mouths.