• Vol. 06
  • Chapter 10
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Hog gone daz not die – 500 pork chops never made!

Hate to boar you with porcine of writing skills, but I sus taind screaming until horse in the throat One lazy Aust afternoon, (albeit hazy, hot, humid - perfect weather being blithely willingly hogtied), these laser keen eyes, (especially since undergoing state of the art genetic engineering courtesy microchips to enhance vision manifold) espied what appeared as some large farm animal barely able to stay afloat A soft heartfelt sure feet of sympathy immediately welled up within my sparse physique Though far outweighed by four footed cloven hoofed creature, the automatic impulse arose to rescue said beautiful animal This rescue meant every passing second precious to succeed Perhaps telepathic communication inferred After all yours truly willingly subjected himself as laboratory rat Anything done for advancement of science stood as supreme motive to volunteer this body electric Thus, the means accomplished to communicate with most every other living thing courtesy mental powers Hence words superfluous to affect linkedin modus operandi vis a vis transmitting motive Upon breaching thru the fifty plus shades of gray matter comprising cerebral capacity of robust gentle beast, he/she reflexively turned his/her head in my direction As an ace swimmer (tossed keppy first overboard into the deepest part of these waters when a lil thang), affinity (fins as well) manifested within me to automatically gravitate toward expansive seas, oceans, lakes Countless circumstances (whereby some life form found themself in death struggle courtesy series of unfortunate events – Lemony Snicket never ruled out as suspect) invariably found yours truly saving the day A damsel in distress (actually more than one occasion) burnished humble role as knight in shiny wet (waterproof/resistant whatever without question)


Hog gone daz not die – 500 pork chops never made!

Though not necessarily the case in this situation, aye do attest quite frankly some of those dames, who called me their hero and savior rivalled weight of the substantial (bacon in the glaring sun) friendly intelligent breathing, floating, living flesh Though spare of frame, my strength exceeded that of superman by many increments of magnitude Again, a courtesy Porgy Bess obeisance paid to the marvel of synthesizing custom three dimensional near microscopic, and/or permanently grafted prosthetics even for those game to be affixed with an extra limb Therefore rock solid faith within rip pulled abdomen, which literally got ripped open so often magnetic contrivances sewn into flesh Thus nary a doubt prevailed to risk life (easily restored) or one or more extra arms and/or legs Off I went without hogging any more writing about preliminary Upon nearing a fellow (non-human friend), I scrunched mine brows to signal help would arrive, (nee be a long) shortly Pleasant gurgling sounds heard as proof positive impossible mission would earn me another fine prairie home companion Piggy back style (Bess I could) afforded the easiest arrangement to shuttle said gentle kindly, meaty, portly, and pot bellied wiser than thee being Slow but steady progress got made maneuvering toward what appeared nearest landmass withal this whirling wide web Oft times what convinces the mind as of trees.