• Vol. 01
  • Chapter 12
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The Glorious Knitted Cape of Jessica Swarfega

Dear Mrs Gwindthrope

I am writing to tell you how much I enjoyed your knitting class last Thursday and the splendid Highland Bakes (who would have known that such salted delights can be cooked up from the Common Herring Gull and Kittiwakes?) So I see you are a master/mistress of many crafts. Although I am very keen to join in with the group effort to macrame Joyces's wedding dress, alas, I must decline. I feel a delicate touch is required, something that my size 15 hands will stumble over.

Best Wishes

Jessica Swarfega

Dear Jessica

How lovely to hear from you. I'm glad you enjoyed the meeting. There are other projects I have in mind, especially for those starting out in art/crafting. I had mentioned these in the group but perhaps you were visiting the toilet at the time.

These include: Kitchen towel/toilet roll holder or music stand (Woven dried dock stems) Car covers (Tesco carrier bag squares) Book shelves (dried mature Lovage stems) and for those simple projects; knitted iPod, iPad cases.


The Glorious Knitted Cape of Jessica Swarfega

The jewellery recycling project involving broccoli seeds and old wooden beads was problematic, especially when dear Mrs Brewster had to explain to her daughter that the necklace was not supposed to grow, but happily, they made great use of it in a flan for lunch. Now that is what I call true recycling.

My dear, you never know what direction the craft will take you...

I look forward to seeing you in two weeks time.


Mrs Gwindthrope (elder)

Dear Mrs Gwindthrope

Since I gave up Professional Wrestling, I felt a need to use my body in a creative way. I am ever indebted to you for your wonderful ideas! However, I came into a bit of trouble when following your recipe for ' Tart Surprise'. Having a distinct lack of seabirds in our area I endeavored to solve the local homeless dog situation single-handedly (thus killing two birds with one stone) but Mrs Temple called the Police when twenty dogs got out and simultaneously crapped on her lawn. Strangely, the dogs had pooed a message - the subject of which you will find quite amusing. (see photo).

You will be very pleased with me however, as I have finished the project I have been working on since I met your wonderful acquaintance. I shall be wearing it at the dock when you meet me.

So excited to see on Friday week.

Yours Truly

Jessica Swarfega