• Vol. 07
  • Chapter 02
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General Election 2019

This is a Party Political Election Broadcast from the Vegetarian Party:

Abraham Lincoln once said, and these are wise words from a wise man: 'Vote yourself a farm and horses.' I ask you to do the same, dear voters – to make the same informed choice and vote for me, your favourite and current representative: Binlittle Milk (Trademark)

During my time as MP this year, I have provided and safe-guarded your health and the health of your loved ones with a particular focus on protecting the lives of the innocent animals. Sparrow shooting is now at a minimum, fox laundering is at an all time low and badger tossing is thankfully a thing of the past.

Don't keep your issues bottled up – visit my office and talk about the things that matter. If I am elected again, I will make a solemn promise not to milk the system, unlike other past candidates in the county; Sly Winton (Cons) and his 'Debonair Deliveries' – we know how that ended! Dee Deviant Mitten (Lib Dem) – her scheme for road widening reduced the Minton Housing Estate to a mouse hole. Greengage Laimont (Green Party) whose unrealistic idea of 'Buttons for Gluttons' managed to disenfranchise the local Weight Watchers group; non-one wanted to see middle-aged men without shirts on. Skip Witty (Ind) was never to serve an extra term with the idea of the county 'Knitting for Victory' – RSI injuries went up 600%.

I am committed to your welfare, whether it be in the matter of schooling, ecological issues, farming or the workforce. None of my policies are pie in the sky, all come from tried and tested formulas, keeping always the constituents in mind.


General Election 2019

May I also remind you to keep recycling. The Vegetarian Party made over six million drunkets from recycled milk bottles in the 'Milky Way' campaign and has written cheques to many local organisations such as 'Teen and Beans' (Teenagers need more vegetable protein) and 'Udders and Elders' (Keeping the elderly firm-boned).

I make a final and solemn statement.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now and I will be there to assist the updraft, shape the cumulus and lift the fog on all important issues. No more anti-cyclonic gloom; it's fair weather all the way when you vote for Binlittle Milk.

This broadcast was paid for by Doubting Dairies: The only lactose-free dairy in Mideaten.