• Vol. 05
  • Chapter 11
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Kaolinite – it is a soft, earthy, usually white, mineral. In many parts of the world it is coloured pink-orange-red by iron-oxide, giving it a distinct rust hue. Lighter concentrations yield white, yellow, or light orange colours. Alternating layers are sometimes found.

Like you, I was once clay, malleable, moveable. Dense with hope, heavy with possibility.

An angel song played on a golden harp. White satin, flower garlands. You shaped me on an altar, love from both sides pouring in. In safe hands, they said. Your hands, I was willing to be moulded.

A review on the formation of kaolinite, raised the fundamental question… how could a disordered material ever be transformed into a corresponding ordered structure?

Heat, from a devil’s fingers, liquifying my body, molten lust. Leather. rubber. A mask drawn tight across my face. Breathless, I drip with sweat and shame.

Below 100°C (212°F), exposure to dry air will slowly remove liquid water from the kaolin. The end-state for this transformation is referred to as "leather dry". Between 100°C and about 550°C (1,022°F), any remaining liquid water is expelled from kaolinite.

The heat, it burns. My skin is scorched. The flesh peels, exposing white bone. You control the gauge, a quarter more to the right. I become impermeable. The mask tightens. Bubbles of truth float to the surface and ripple into lies. They hear an echo of me but no longer see.

The end state for this transformation is referred to as "bone dry". Subsequent transformations are not reversible and represent permanent chemical changes.



I am dry, a husk, brittle with fear. Gilded and placed on a shelf, to view… but do not touch. Don’t come too close. You guard me, from soothing fingers and gentle voices.

The mineral kaolinite is the main component in ceramics.
It can also be used in
Toothpaste, lightbulbs, in cosmetics, as a barrier cream, in paint, in adhesives, as organic farming spray, as whitewash, diamond disc filler, a treatment for stomach upsets, clay facial masks, to clot the blood.

I was clay. I could have been a million things, your little figurine.