FELINE FEDORA OR A CAT PLAY À LA VICTORIEN SARDOU

Act I: Winter in Saint Purrsburg
FEDORA’S CAT-OLOGUE (at her fiancé’s death-bed): Oh Vladimir! My Tomcat, my great love. It’s Fedora, your Dam. I’m here. Please meow to me! Meow! Please! Oh no!
I swear by Goddess Mut to revenge your murder. May her son Khonsu show me the moonlit path. I pledge to fill my heart with eternal hatred. I pledge to detox my body of sexual desire. So be it.

Act II: Winter in Purris
FEDORA’S CAT-OLOGUE: I spied upon the killer and followed him to this city. The humans call it Paris, the city of love. To me, Purris is the city of vengeance. I’ve seduced him and now he’s here in my Purrisian home.

FEDORA: Is it true love?
LORIS: It’s maddening love, so it must be true.
FEDORA: Enough for making kittens?
LORIS: Oh yes! I want a black one.
FEDORA: I’ll have to love you and become your Queen?
LORIS: Love demands to be loved. Your black pepper-coloured paws purr and your
almond-shaped eyes meow “I love you”. Even when your snout hisses: “I don’t love you”.
FEDORA: That’s all very well. But I travel to Saint Purrsburg tomorrow.
LORIS: What? So soon! (howling) And I can’t come with you.
FEDORA: Why not?
LORIS: The cat police will arrest me when I put my paws in Russia.
FEDORA: What have you done?

FELINE FEDORA OR A CAT PLAY À LA VICTORIEN SARDOU

LORIS: I’ve killed a fellow cat.
FEDORA: What! You admit that you are guilty?
LORIS: No, I’m not.
FEDORA: I don’t understand.
LORIS: Everybody thinks that I set a ratty trap for Vladmir Andreyovich. But that’s not true.
FEDORA: If you’re innocent then why don’t you clear your name in the cat court?
Loris’s tail is low (meaning anxiety).

FEDORA: Coward murderer!
LORIS: But I’m innocent.
FEDORA: Prove it!
LORIS: I did kill him but he…
FEDORA: It was you! Murderer!
LORIS: Fedora! Please listen to me!
FEDORA: Don’t tell me it was an accident.
LORIS: A punishment.
FEDORA: I don’t believe you!
LORIS: Vladimir shagged my wife Wanda. Read his love letter to her. And he had a fiancé!
FEDORA: I don’t love my fiancé. You’re my one and only Wandapurr. I just marry for money… (bites the letter in two) Such a villain! Such a disgrace! I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you’re such a wise judge.
LORIS: But I don’t have a home anymore. I’ll never lick my mother and brother again.

FELINE FEDORA OR A CAT PLAY À LA VICTORIEN SARDOU

FEDORA: Let me lick you. Let me be your family. I’ll stay with you forever.
LORIS: Aren’t you going to Russia?
FEDORA: No. I love you.

Act III: Spring in the Alps
FEDORA’S CAT-OLOGUE: I sent a letter to the cat police about Loris before I knew the truth. The reply came this morning. His mother and brother were accomplices. Both are dead. Oh, what have I done? Soon Loris will know. Never again: His blue eyes meowing “I love you”. His ginger skin rubbing on mine. (howling) I’m in despurr!
Fedora jumps off a cliff.