Falling in Slow Motion

Hands shaking, asthmatic breathing, and
a certainty that I cannot
do what I planned to do is
how my anxiety flares up from time to time.

I fall in slow motion
into the vortex of
my self-doubt, fears, and
guilt.

I most often fall into this during
moments of transition –
getting out of bed,
getting off the couch,
starting a new project.
The new thing seems
TOO big, TOO much, and TOO
terrifying.

Sometimes, I fall
all the way down –
unable to shift
from primal fear
to thriving.

Sometimes, I catch myself –
identify the fear, defeat it,
choose the least scary thing to do, and
claw my way back to thriving.

Falling in Slow Motion

Most often, I decrease my descent
and return to the safe space before
the attack –
I let go of over whatever
is triggering me and
give myself the grace to not
always do exactly what
I had planned.