enough misdeeds to make one believe he’s actually been alive

how many warnings does one person need?… if it's you we're taking about, an unlimited amount still isn't enough: you've seen the pictures, you've lived through all the unpleasantness your mistakes have gotten you, and if you add up all the nights you've lain awake boring holes through the walls and ceiling, they'd total years by now, don't you think?… right, use tonight's rain to distract yourself from the bottom line here, keep doing that and see where it gets you: you'll just have to loathe yourself even more when it becomes unendurable, when you reach your breaking point and realized you can't even look yourself in the eye anymore… then where will you be?… already you wake every morning asking how much longer the punishment continues when you know being with her was never going to be given to you, that really and truly, there was never any guarantee things were going to work out with her… where was that going to leave you then?… pull the stick out already and listen to the words formed by the tongueless, the lipless, the phantom voice telling you it's been decades and you're still lost, still hopeless… whose fault is it, though?: you needed something to keep you going, something to work toward… go back to '91: if you hadn't had this, which you'll admit now was just a make-believe hope you knew there was no possibility of ever coming to pass, you would've given up entirely… it's been this ridiculous unlikelihood that saved you: back then, you were almost dead, remember?… you'd even told yourself you were dead--yes, you did, you just won't allow yourself to fully recall those days back and for good reason: you're still protecting yourself from the horror that wasn't of your making… and you'll say it many more times before your truly dead and can't say it anymore, so what's one more time, right?: he was doctor frankenstein and you were the monster, but it was the good doctor who made the monster what he was… were you really a monster, though, really?…

enough misdeeds to make one believe he’s actually been alive

if you ask her, then i'm afraid, yes, you were the monster… and what was it you said to yourself when it was all over and it was beginning to dawn on you that you'd never see her again, not ever and that even in your absence she was probably hating you?: you were out of control, just like any monster who is at his core a brainless, heartless, soulless thing, no one misses when he's gone… tell me, do you miss him?: tough to tell when you are him…