dry

there is a sucking at the base of the spine when it starts
an unfolding
a black hole twisted up close to the nape of the neck
tugging
loosening every segment

there are no physical changes
the doctor assured me with plain words
a tape played in the office
patients serene with certain smiles on the screen
standing at the end of it
there are no physical changes
even when we went through the mental effects
streamlined and simple
it all makes sense
            until it starts happening
how could a straight line on a graph
a jolt and a release
feel so uncontrolled
they didn’t warn me about this
is something w  r  o  n  g

                                             please sit still, sir.
                                               it feels like that.
                                  the procedure is at work.

they’re slipping now
falling out of me into space
obsolete as soon as they drop out of my mind
latex gloves will remove them from wherever they land

dry

memories leave blisters
is there any residue left behind
or is it all sucked clean as one
it’s a careful procedure

there is a clatter in a bucket somewhere when they fall out of me
even if it’s imagined I am certain of it
I know there is a loss in me
a loss deep and wide and welcoming
I have forgotten but I can’t remember what
the relief breaks my face into pieces
there is wetness in my eyes
a crack in my smile

                                                  it is done.
                                you are free to go, sir.

so simple so sweet
                        so grand.