- Vol. 06
- Chapter 08
On the occasion or occasions
of this celebration or commemoration
kindly observe the following forms:
Evening wear and black tie are de rigueur,
although, in concession
to the anxious spirit of the times
some indiscernible looseness may be permitted,
Gentlemen of a certain ageing
are asked to recall dim school days,
tuck in their shirts,
stand up straight,
and think quietly about fits.
Ladies inclined to imperial pronouncements
are kindly requested to wear no heel
so towering and Iceni
as to prevent a one-hundred meter dash
over rain-soaked lawns.
At the appropriate order of the day,
compliments on another's dress will be given
off the shoulder in the chattering lobby
and are required to be insincere,
and, where possible, unimaginative.
Attendees who plan to rage
drunkenly later in the proceedings
with collars in flight and faces flushed,
may lose their jackets before arrival
for the convenience of timely brawling.
Those who have taken silk
and have lined it with tart ambition
will be seated on high in purple,
so as to frown down and pass judgement
upon old grievances and the slips of others.
Kilts may be worn by those
who have the legs to stand on,
matched by sporrans holding cigarettes
to accompany the airing of knees
in the outdoor elements.
Seated at the far back, trainers and sneakers
may be used by the tiresome sunglass court,
who, at bottom, desperately refuse
to appear as if they are taking
the whole thing seriously.
We appreciate your consideration.
We thank you for your attention.
We wait upon your attendance.