Dinner Party

So this party
is for us, to prove it.

Chips & good beer,
taxi-colored cheeses speared like small sacrifices
to the dark gods we call 'family & friends'.

Great place! What a place!
they holler, & set to
scuffing the floors,
swapping noise about
traffic jams & weather,
comfortably far-off disasters.
With her eyes, your mother points out
the cheap napkins,
lack of smoked salmon,
wine stain I can't seem to scrub out.
I hover,
say in a bright & stupid voice,
Ice? Anyone, more ice?
Is the music           all right?

O visitors!
licking your fingers, eyeing my waistline,
I crave your benedictions.
I crave your loud advice,

& already I can feel my old self blurring
like an oil pastel
tossed into a public pool.

Dinner Party

I watch myself reach for another bottle
& your brother shouts
Careful, she's drunk!          & they laugh
in a way that lets me know

I am the joke.

I love
a good dinner party.
Save me.