Creeping

"If you never say your name out loud to anyone they can never ever call you by it". Regina Spektor speaks the truth. You told me once that names were crucial. You said that quote as you told me to protect myself. That was the moment I created my new world. A world where the sun shines not only on Sunday. A world where birds flutter in the back yard and wake me up, where owls coo me to sleep. Where the water is blue and warm on a cold day, cool on a hot one. Where there are cotton candy clouds decorating crystal blue skies. Where people don't deceive. Where the strawberries in the back garden bloom year-round and the blueberries growing over the fence are the sweetest you've ever tasted.

I created that world to contradict what my world before had turned into. Imagine standing in a large room alone. And one by one people start coming in until you're suffocating and drowning and the people are just too loud, too loud. Imagine sitting on the ocean floor, not deep enough to be devoid of light, not shallow enough to stop your toes from going numb. Imagine fighting to stay afloat in an ocean of unknowns.

I flee, let the weeds grow through the garden. Abandon.

This is me. Before, walking from my failed sand castle. Now, escaping sadness, but not running far enough to stop it from creeping back. Then, abandoning the home, only to flee from the living.

This. This is me.