Close

It was another one of those nights - I’d worked later than late.
I was dead tired, frail and utterly glum.
The glare from the oncoming traffic was blinding and if that wasn’t enough, a giant lorry tailed behind me – too close – too close.

Its headlights loomed inside my rear view with aggressive impatience. My palms sweating as I clutched the wheel tightly, desperately struggling to follow the lines.
Another anxious trip – another thirty miles til home.

My head was pounding as I played back the day. Re-living my mistakes, listing my shortcomings, weighing up the kindnesses and the offenses - the 'what if's' and the 'should haves'.
Awkward, self-conscious and blundering.

Why is perfection always a landslide away?
Each goal, dream and wish - so close, so close.
Yet missing the mark by a nose, by a hair, by the skin of my teeth, or the clumsy offering of my other cheek.
Any flaw, smudge or delay. Any wrong turn - misused word or turn of phrase. Any mishap, misunderstanding, mistake in character, or instance of bad timing undergoes scrutiny that would make Herod seem a gentle man.

Approval lost its way leaving crumbs of feelings but no map.

Barely tethered I followed the lines leading me up to the steep hill that is my street. I was home, but I was lost.

Outside the air was cold but I breathed in deeply and looked to the sky.
Whispering an urgent wish for guidance, for strength, for renewal.

Close

Like a kiss from heaven, two golden eyes twinkled down at me.
A barn owl sat perched in my favourite tree.
His beauty was stunning, and I was transfixed.
My heart flew up to meet him.
We rested there; eyes locked, stars sparkling above us.
Nothing was different, but everything had changed.
After years and miles of struggling, I unloaded my heavy heart
and finally remembered what is true:
Love, hope, beauty, humanity, sustenance, grace, forgiveness, and joy -
That is what is important.

NOT Perfection. Perfection doesn’t make the cut.
It doesn’t even come close.