• Vol. 03
  • Chapter 05
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The Cats Want to Know

The cats want to know where you've been. They come and smell your clothes, rub their noses on your shoes, sniff your soles for clues. They are excited at the hint of a world outside of their zone of things comfortable and known. They are surprised you've been gone this long and that you're suddenly back. The cats work quickly to get their smell on you, to reclaim you as their own. If you petted another animal they know and they don't approve. The cats don't ask for much. Just an eternal commitment of belonging to them—is forever a lot? The cats don't care that you had a rough day; they will knead your stomach like dough and stick you with their sharpened claws like they always do. If it hurts the cats want you to know it's your own fault because cats don't know how to operate nail clippers. If you ask the cats a question they won't reply unless that question is 'Do you want food?' The cats think it impolite not to speak clearly to your waiter and they will answer this question as loud as they are able to. The cats don't like to speak of matters trivial. They find small talk beneath them—if you want to talk about the weather go find a dog, or a horse. The cats are not in your service. They are independent and they remember how in ancient times they used to be gods. If anything, they are kind enough to treat you as an equal, showing how magnanimous they are and tolerant of your human shortcomings. The cats use universe, not human time, which is why they understand that anything other than living in the moment is futile. Despite what you might think, the cats never plan. Their favorite book, if they could read and if it existed, would have been Zen and the Art of the Cat Nap. The cats are constantly practicing performance art. The cats try not to judge you, they understand that you are very young and hold the key to the tuna can. They hope that you can learn to relax and not make such a fuss about them hunting birds and lizards. The cats would like to ask, why are you so obsessed with material things such as clothes and furniture, and what is the deal with you and that lint brush?