Carrot Top

Interviewer: So, Virginia, getting back to the new movie, did the new hair do influence the inner rage of your portrayal of the character Sick Susie?

Virginia scratches her cheek and leans her head to one side as if in a deep reverie. She has rehearsed this look in the mirror many times. Perfect she thinks.

Virginia: You know Graham, when my fans think of Virginia Siracruise, they think of the blonde bobbed karate kicks of Janet Plant in my action packed thriller "Leathers and Feathers."

Virginia takes a sip from her algae guava inspired organic smoothie. As she sucks on the straw she remembers the last time she tasted this detoxing disgusting mocktail. Sardinia, lying on a lounger, taking in the sun, sporting a polka dot bikini. That was when she met Julio the surfer, the cheek of him, stood right over her, blocking the sun. No matter she thought, that was then and this was now, she never tanned easily. Cream was the new brown this season as it happens, less lines to Botox.

Virginia: Or perhaps my character Pearl Webb, the long haired brunette I played in " Goose Footprints in the Snow."

Interviewer: I have to say Virginia, you killed that role. The crying scene when your co-star drowned off Niagara Falls was truly epic. Had you ever hand glided before or did you have a stunt double?

Virginia chuckles as if Graham is dim.

Virginia: I do all my own stunts Graham.

Virginia laughs a little louder.

Carrot Top

Interviewer squirms but then realizes he should join in except he continues laughing after Virginia stops. His producer on the other side of the camera mouths an aggressive "cut it out" in mime. The Interviewer shuffles awkwardly in his seat.

Virginia: But of course playing a redhead in my latest film Psycho Susie was nothing new to me. You see Graham, my true hair colour is a shade of orange mixed with auburn red. So when Susie went all Rambo and burnt down all those boathouses in the retirement village lake scene I was really just channeling my inner childhood. Preparing for those scenes I would just remember the names the other children called me in the yard at school. Foxy, Fanta Head, Carrot Top, Ginger, Freckleface, Goldilocks, Rusty... the list goes on Graham. It is only when actresses like Julia Roberts or Julianne Moore had the courage to come out as true reds, that is when I realized it was okay to be me. I may be translucent in colour, have an exceptionally long nose and my pupils may seem to look like they are in a constant state of dilation but at least I am me.

Virginia fistbumps the air and holds the pose. Then she turns to camera and says, "Can we cut it there guys? I'm dying for a smoke."