BRING HOME THE BACON

“You want to know why a well-bred young pig such as myself is swimming across the English Channel? Well, I reckon now’s the time to get out of the UK. I’ve been keeping my nose to the ground over this Brexit business. And I keep an ear out when my farmer is chatting to his neighbour about it. They frighten me with their talk. They say that leaving the UK without a deal is going to be an absolute disaster for pig farmers like them. For one thing, I’d have to have an Export Health Certificate to travel across borders! Well I haven’t bloomin-well got one of those, so I’ll have to be very careful if I manage to land on French soil.

"I’m scared to stay in England. I overheard my owner, Farmer Brown, say that because of the unpleasantly named ‘carcass balance issues’, the UK would be swamped with pigmeat that had little value in the domestic market. Well, I like a swamp as much as the next pig, but enough is enough. So I’m off. Oink, oink, make way for the pig!”