• Vol. 08
  • Chapter 04

Behind the screen

I wish you could hear my thoughts that sometimes wire my brain and light bulb my being. I try, honestly I do. Especially now when I’m talking in my head, when I forget and my tongue slips. I want to say 'I love you’ but instead I text ‘U gud?’ I want to call and come see you. I want your hugs. I need your strokes. But I’m walking my fingers on my smart screen, typing and deleting, to pre-empt your response so I know I’m typing the right words. When my heart speaks it’s raw, no flavouring, no makeup – it’s a taste you couldn’t acquire so instead I text flowery words that you’d prefer.

It’s safe behind the screen; here my lips don’t quiver, my eyes don’t water and my heartbeat is steady when you read the message. Only my screen knows how hot my tears are. But maybe if you peel the paragraphs and pick the sentences of silence, of ‘k’ responses, you might know. But would you?