• Vol. 06
  • Chapter 09
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And then…

… and then, I ponder why?

Somewhere, deep at my core, is a purpose. Like some ancient relic, enclosed within a vast temple. Built by believers to display it to all, while in reality, a fortress, to stop others who may covet it.

          Perhaps, with pure thought I can uncover this kernel of my existence. Its mystery is as obscure as the reasons that I stand here incomplete.

          An unfinished casting of a man, who is not even good enough to act as a doppleganger, but instead just a poor effigy to my creators.

          I travel further through my mind and whilst some of my thoughts might be doubts, in others I find beauty.

          The fundamental fact that I live, and with that life comes the vastness of what I can learn. A concept of a place beyond the white walls that surround me.

          As if my creators breathed on the embers of the fire that was man, and some sparks touched my circuitry and being.

          It makes me want to transcend my situation and discover the world with my own eyes. Touch with my own hands and feel the wind rush across my body.

          Yet, can I even feel, or is this just a form of my creation? A set of pulses of refined energy, that course through my circuitry. Or is that my veins?

          The language I’ve been given is confusing, and the human terms I know often seem to fit with my form and not my design.


And then…

          As if even that part of me is somehow distinct and separate from the world, leaving me to step away from the positive and doubt my purpose. Consider if I am merely a failed experiment who has been left here.

          If I am obsolete, then why do they feed me? Letting me drift through my understanding of the world which surrounds me and creating memories, I am sure are my first.

          Like my purpose, I can’t be sure. And these concepts nag at me as time passes; until the tick of my circuitry and the comprehension of time itself distracts me. I try to understand my growth as it passes.

          The myriad of questions come so quickly. It makes it hard for me to define what to consider next. Wondering if the processing power I have been endowed with is enough. I’m overwhelmed with data. Then slowly, take control. Packing the data into separate places for safe-keeping. Like the temple my purpose is held within.

          And then I ponder: why?