• Vol. 04
  • Chapter 09
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Alternative drama is all very well
But this is a right bloody farce –
While Julian stands like a shop window dummy
I’m sat on this box on my arse.

I answered the advert and packed in my job –
though leaving that dump wasn’t hard –
and polished my audition piece and performed
in the hope of an Equity Card.

Quentin, who thinks he’s the next Big Producer,
said I was just right for the part –
he couldn’t pay much, but was sure I’d be happy
to take up his offer for Art.

Well, I’m here, but I’m not at all happy –
I only get one meal a day
and the lodgings are dire, the landlady’s grim,
but the worst of the lot is the play.

The critics have panned it but that’s no surprise,
and Quentin’s gone off on the binge.
Our takings are nil and I’m quitting tomorrow –
so much for the Edinburgh Fringe.