A Brief Politics of Joy

What’s that? You like my umbrella. Well before you go out and get one for yourself let me tell you a thing or two. For starters, it’s fucking useless. If it’s really coming down, an umbrella isn’t going to do shit to keep you dry. Okay, so maybe your head stays a little drier than the rest of your body, but if you’re soaked to the bone, who really gives a shit if your head is a little drier than it otherwise might have been, you know what I mean? And if it’s not coming down that hard, then what the fuck is even the point? Are you going to melt if you get a little damp? Not unless you’re the wicked witch of the whatever, and guess what? She’s a fictional character. As for the rest of us, there are these things called showers and the last I checked, we take them voluntarily at least once a day. Then on top of being useless, it’s a menace. You’re always a step away from wrapping it around a lamppost or tangling it up in some low-hanging awning. And if I haven’t poked anyone’s eye out with yet, that’s nothing but dumb luck and I probably will before I go home which, believe or not, is actually a much more effective way of avoiding the rain than walking around in it holding a piece of fabric over your head at the end of a metal stick like a dumbass. But you’re right, it is a lovely shade of orange. I picked it out it this morning for the same reason I picked out this stupid ass pink coat – because I’m always looking for ways to brighten up a dreary day.