Problems of Etiquette

It was supposed to be a joke, but now it’s here I don’t know which are fruit and which are flowers and I’ve no idea how to get inside a lobster, or a dog, or a monkey, and I notice the tell-tale absence of cutlery. I can get into wine though by smashing the neck off the bottle. The spotless tablecloth is positioned rather lazily, or is it a napkin? Obviously no one who’s had this meal before is available for advice. Perhaps I’m meant to wear it for what’s coming. I hope I’m brave. The wine will help. I wonder how they’ll report it? “The condemned prisoner ate a last meal of…” But I’m laughing so much I can’t go on, and anyway I don’t have to. And now the dog and the monkey are fighting over the ham. To be honest, I’ve had worse days.