Rules for grandparents when embarking on imaginative play with a seven-and-a-half-year-old

The detailed and lovingly hand-painted Schleich model of the kangaroo you bought your grandson last Christmas has been transformed into a Boeing 777. Calling it a kangaroo will be met with disdain.

The pink carpet in your spare bedroom is now the well-known Australian city of Cranberry, which your little darling bombed with candy floss from an open window of the Boeing 777 as you were coming in to land at Cranberry International Airport.

You must never interrupt play with factual discussions about why, for instance, aircraft windows don’t open, even if you try to make it interesting with dramatic descriptions of people being sucked out at 32,000 feet. In his world, at this moment, it is perfectly feasible to be able to open airplane windows in order to distribute candy floss to Australian children.

Although said little darling appears to be dressed as a 1960’s postman, he is in fact in full super-hero mode. Do not stand in his flight path as he circles the city fighting crime, bringing villains to justice and being an all-round good guy. Your only function is to shout Whack! Pow! And Splatt! at appropriate moments and to praise him frequently for saving the world.

Rules may be changed without notice at any time. You will be expected to be fully aware of the new rules without being informed about them.

The game will last for 30 minutes and although it will take you three times that long to clean and tidy up afterwards you would do the whole thing again in a heartbeat.