The Fall

Poolside. Baked concrete. Surrounded by a sprawling white complex, half built. Mother pulling on a hat with rubber flowers. She looks so glamorous. Wish I did too, but my body looks podgy and gauche in an itchy, ill fitting swimsuit.

So there’s not just me here, there’s my hateful family. Particularly my older sister Marigold. I wish, I wish …

She’s running round the pool with her new friend Amelia. Now they are climbing onto the board. Confidently laughing. People on sunloungers with books shading their faces. Some having suncream rubbed into their pink shoulders. Nobody watching except me.

When Marigold fell she screamed. It was more of a dull shriek really, but enough to make the people on sunbeds spring up. Snap to attention. Run to her side. Her body lay there. Just lay. Her eyes flickered lazily like a donkey’s tail. Then she was swept up by my father who staggered away weeping with her in his arms.

Did I make this happen? You know, in the end it wasn’t the right question to ask as she made a full recovery. You could say she hit the ground running. And I? Well I struggle with my feelings towards her to this day. This is neither how I wish it was, nor how I would wish it to be. It just is.