Dating for Beginners

On our second date, after we’d finished our main course and before we’d even ordered dessert (I know), he started on the laws of thermodynamics. I was still finding him attractive (I know), so I pretended to pay attention. When we got back to his flat, he opened a cupboard and all these empty cartons fell out (I know). I said I would make coffee, at which point he took my right hand and started tracing a line on my palm with his left index finger, which was was ridiculously erotic (I know, I know).

When I got home, alone (I know!), I looked up thermodynamics and entropy. You can find anything online and when I put my mind to something I can be very determined. I refused a third date with him until I had collected five empty cartons myself (heck, I know). This took a while, and I could tell he was excited by the wait (I know, I know, I know).

These irreversible processes increase entropy. I took his hands in mine, both of them on the third date, looked him in the eyes, his blue eyes (I KNOW) and told him this. Very gently. He looked, as I’d hoped, quite crestfallen.

‘No future, then?’ he asked.

‘None,’ I said. ‘Unless–’

But he didn’t wait to hear the rest.