Mexican Standoff

Just why am I here?
What's the meaning of life?
How many mojitos?
How much tequila?
Why THIS sombrero?...
...And WHY this poncho?
(This stage set is so clichéd,
So Spaghetti Western...)
Where's the stag party guests?
What time is my wedding?
Why are my feet so cold?
Where AM I exactly?!