From the Mouth of God

Looking at Him directly, Mariella had to admit that God was a lot less impressive in person. The brilliant light that enveloped her—shining brilliant and irradiating warmth and love—was nice, but His face was really just average. Nothing special there, really. Nothing that screamed “I am God!” Weak chinned, He also had an overbite and a slightly lazy right eye. It wasn't immediately noticeable, but once you saw it, you couldn't unsee it. All you could think about was God’s lazy eye. "Why doesn’t He do something about it?” Mariella thought. He wore his hair in a man bun, and He really couldn't pull it off.

God's voice cascaded down a shaft of pure, holy light emanating from somewhere beyond this world, from the Genesis of creation. It was a high, reedy voice, almost at the point of being screechy. Mariella found it impossible to concentrate on anything he said.

It was the time of her Calling, and God was in the midst of explaining to Mariella her purpose in life, she supposed. She was really only getting every fifth word or so. There was something of greater concern than what God was droning on about. God had something stuck in His teeth. It moved from side to side as He spoke, almost as if it were waving to Mariella. “Hello, farewell, hello, farewell”, it said as it swayed from the crevice between God’s canine and lateral incisor. She felt a mad and almost uncontrollable desire to reach out and grab it. Her arm—with no conscious input from her—apparently resolved to do just that, as it raised toward the Face of God.

Luckily, He seemed to take it as a gesture of exultation.

From the Mouth of God

“And that, my child, is what I expect of you on this earth,” God said. He tried to work the bit of food from His teeth with His tongue, attempting to be inconspicuous but failing. “Do you understand, Mariella?” He said.

Mariella didn't respond. God had just made it worse, and now the food in His teeth was impossible to ignore. It loomed large in the night sky, glistening wet and slimy in the heavens.

“Do you understand?” He repeated.

Mariella snapped out of it. “Oh yeah, she said. I got it.” She wondered if it would be better at this point to just grab the damn thing. Her arm raised higher in response to her thought, already going for it.

“It really doesn't seem like you heard,” God said.

“What? No, I heard,” Mariella said.

“Really? What'd I say?”

“You, uh, you told me my purpose.”

“Which is?”

“Well....”

“I KNEW it!”

“Look, I'm sorry, but you've got this thing in your teeth....”

“Oh, Jesus! Have I had it this whole time?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“I've been talking to SO MANY people tonight.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it's just...the Universe is built on irony. Not even I’m immune”

“How do You mean?”

God smiled. “Your purpose in life that you'd didn’t hear? You're meant to be a dentist.”