• Vol. 02
  • Chapter 05
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To my lover, (not quite) leaving

(only shifting) –
I am sad, I am sorry
for emotional excess.
All fences were down
at least you found them easier to traverse

Thursday entanglements were rash

nevertheless, impossible to change
scratches from neck
to
lower
back.

I am engaged in noxious scrutiny,
self-mutiny and
even struggling to reach for poetry

maybe because
I can’t share this one
– not now at least –
as there’s already a string of apologetic messages
you’ve digested and
besides,

these thoughts are mine
(this time).

Your jumpers smell like comfort
by which you mean
me
by which you mean
you fall easily (for intimacy).

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To my lover, (not quite) leaving

I’m (reading) into it.

But how can I blame you when
I was spirited, I was seduced
by some much-welcomed higher truth
that wasn’t
thighs or
fingertips
but maybe just youthful bliss?

(It’s that I’ll miss).

Actually, it was carefully chosen words
that brought us to kiss.

It’s healthier without the pressure
we’re putting on each other.

And then there’s
responsibility…
sexuality…
memory…
of her sleeping there (not me)
of unjustified jealousy
(leftovers from last lovers I can’t seem to see past
– not now at least –
repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat).

I have (no) doubt(s),
we’ll be fine –
“take care of yourself in the meantime”
was such a feeble line
to spin

well
I’m beginning to run out of
invented ifs, whys.

(Do you resent our strange partnership?)
/EDIT/ I’m over (thinking) it.

Not everyone lies.

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